Much appreciated. My dad died when I was young. Mary Gordon said a fatherless daughter thinks everything is possible and nothing is safe. It’s true. I spent a lifetime hoping for a mythical protector but warily and keenly aware that was impossible. Having such a society is sad for everyone.
Thank you for this excellent essay, which I have read carefully. I, too, have looked back at my teenage years, and wished I had defended a comment or a situation better than I did, but I have come to believe that maturity and strength of self come in quietly on tip-toes, but if we’re lucky and well-developed morally, it does arrive, and for that, we need to forgive our younger selves, and be grateful for whom we’ve become as adults.
Thank goodness I had a father, grandfather, uncles, brother, male cousins who all spoke up. They were proud of the females in their lives and made sure we all knew that. They gave us strength. They called out the boys and men who acted as you describe and confronted their bad behavior.
Well-laid out, Peter. You have shown bravery, in outlining your own role in the process. I did the same as a child and young teen. Female friends called me out on a couple of occasions, and that started the long, and at times lonely, road out of misogyny and moral squalour.
I look back on those who led the charade and the blustering. Some died, without realizing the truth of the matter. Some have come to tell me that my own example made them think. The embracing of women as humans first has made all the difference.
The far right... the far right... the far right. Are the behaviors you describe– many of which I acknowledge and have experience myself –the definition of 'the far right' or are those behaviors being ascribed to a distinct group that has a broader categorical description?
What he describes is people who use others as a means to an end. Politically, we find those more often in the far right, but they are everywhere. In a nation whose biggest "industry" is marketing manipulation, you will find people like that across the spectrum.
What you describe as produce from the far right breeding ground one can see a prime example of in Donald Trump. The repression of his "softer nature," which turned to misogyny, is indicative to me of a repressed homosexuality. His attraction to the male physique is documented and his inability to relate to women is evident publicly. The male toxicity was so great in his life, "far right" became radical and insatiable criminality.
Amazing analysis. This describes life in middle school for almost all students in the USA, including the girls. Girls can be just as mean as boys – they're simply more secretive about it. They don't leave evidence, but they delight in their quiet but direct methods. There have been many books written on the topic. Any girl with a troubled, mean brother comes away with the internalized inferiority that feminism is one cure for. Another cure is to become that anima-woman about whom men think and desire – a woman who reflects everything her man values and who gets her value and power from his money and power. The competition becomes fierce and starts early. Hence, the prevalence of the MAGA woman whose animus looks like the bully she has allied with.
I was like you, many girls as friends, I did speak up when my friends were disparaged, which made me unpopular with certain groups. I also saw what misogyny does to people & rejected it. I didn't care, I was always going my own way & told I was rebellious & tried to be different. The final straw for me was when I adopted something that was popular, & every one said how I was being like every one else. I stopped caring what people thought. I had a lesbian aunt & her & her girlfriends always treated me well. So I have nothing but love for LGBTQ people too. There were many strong women in my family, so I always thought women should be free to be what ever they wanted to be. I was bedridden with Hepatitis C, for fourteen years, never considered suicide, so I know I am stronger than most macho males. One thing I tell other men & boys that are worried about their masculinity, is that most of the Strong Masculine Male roll models, were alchoholics.
Everyone used to have to repress their “deviant” sexuality. Then there came rights and general acceptance. But individual families are different and my understanding is that many households demand repression for whatever reason, sometimes violently.
Superb essay. Thanks for the long, meaningful read.
You explain a lot with behaviors we are all familiar with. Men are raised to be cruel, to fight, to conquer. But not to rule wisely or well
Yes I agree. One mans kink is another mans perversity. My take is if no one is hurt and I don't have to do it, then I don't care.
thank you ... . beautiful and mindful and important
Much appreciated. My dad died when I was young. Mary Gordon said a fatherless daughter thinks everything is possible and nothing is safe. It’s true. I spent a lifetime hoping for a mythical protector but warily and keenly aware that was impossible. Having such a society is sad for everyone.
Thank you for this excellent essay, which I have read carefully. I, too, have looked back at my teenage years, and wished I had defended a comment or a situation better than I did, but I have come to believe that maturity and strength of self come in quietly on tip-toes, but if we’re lucky and well-developed morally, it does arrive, and for that, we need to forgive our younger selves, and be grateful for whom we’ve become as adults.
So true!
Thank goodness I had a father, grandfather, uncles, brother, male cousins who all spoke up. They were proud of the females in their lives and made sure we all knew that. They gave us strength. They called out the boys and men who acted as you describe and confronted their bad behavior.
Well-laid out, Peter. You have shown bravery, in outlining your own role in the process. I did the same as a child and young teen. Female friends called me out on a couple of occasions, and that started the long, and at times lonely, road out of misogyny and moral squalour.
I look back on those who led the charade and the blustering. Some died, without realizing the truth of the matter. Some have come to tell me that my own example made them think. The embracing of women as humans first has made all the difference.
Bravo and a standing ovation !
Brilliant
The far right... the far right... the far right. Are the behaviors you describe– many of which I acknowledge and have experience myself –the definition of 'the far right' or are those behaviors being ascribed to a distinct group that has a broader categorical description?
What he describes is people who use others as a means to an end. Politically, we find those more often in the far right, but they are everywhere. In a nation whose biggest "industry" is marketing manipulation, you will find people like that across the spectrum.
What you describe as produce from the far right breeding ground one can see a prime example of in Donald Trump. The repression of his "softer nature," which turned to misogyny, is indicative to me of a repressed homosexuality. His attraction to the male physique is documented and his inability to relate to women is evident publicly. The male toxicity was so great in his life, "far right" became radical and insatiable criminality.
Amazing analysis. This describes life in middle school for almost all students in the USA, including the girls. Girls can be just as mean as boys – they're simply more secretive about it. They don't leave evidence, but they delight in their quiet but direct methods. There have been many books written on the topic. Any girl with a troubled, mean brother comes away with the internalized inferiority that feminism is one cure for. Another cure is to become that anima-woman about whom men think and desire – a woman who reflects everything her man values and who gets her value and power from his money and power. The competition becomes fierce and starts early. Hence, the prevalence of the MAGA woman whose animus looks like the bully she has allied with.
Well.
Would your Irish acculturation into férfiasság have been any different in Hungary ?
I was like you, many girls as friends, I did speak up when my friends were disparaged, which made me unpopular with certain groups. I also saw what misogyny does to people & rejected it. I didn't care, I was always going my own way & told I was rebellious & tried to be different. The final straw for me was when I adopted something that was popular, & every one said how I was being like every one else. I stopped caring what people thought. I had a lesbian aunt & her & her girlfriends always treated me well. So I have nothing but love for LGBTQ people too. There were many strong women in my family, so I always thought women should be free to be what ever they wanted to be. I was bedridden with Hepatitis C, for fourteen years, never considered suicide, so I know I am stronger than most macho males. One thing I tell other men & boys that are worried about their masculinity, is that most of the Strong Masculine Male roll models, were alchoholics.
...often due to repressed homosexuality.
Possibly or just not enough self confidence. Going along with the crowd.
Everyone used to have to repress their “deviant” sexuality. Then there came rights and general acceptance. But individual families are different and my understanding is that many households demand repression for whatever reason, sometimes violently.